Are you seeking validation from others?
Validation is a bloodsucker! A thirsty vampire that sucks the energy and the soul out of you.
It's so easy to seek validation from those around you- our partners, our parents, our close friends… our mentors! In some way, even when we follow our hearts desires, our passions, and our determination, we feel we need someone that reassures us that we are on the right path and that we are good enough.
Sometimes that validation becomes an important part of our being, especially when we look up to the person we seek validation from. For us, that person is our idol, a role model, someone we not only want to please but show our worth- we want to be seen!
“Look, I am here!! I am following your advice and I’m here trying to make you feel proud of me!! Can you see me?!”
You seek validation not because you are weak, not because you are a sick stalker. You seek validation because you believe the person you look up to is a God!
Unfortunately seeking validation, as much as it feels good at the beginning, ends up breaking our sensitive hearts. At some point, that person will disappoint you. At some point, you will feel hurt… misunderstood.
All the attempts to be seen and make the other feel proud of your achievements are misinterpret for being too much, too intense, too needy. Maybe we are needy. Maybe we lack self-confidence and we need reassurance. And yes, that is something we need to work on ourselves. Sometimes we lack awareness until avoidance starts to happen. Until you suddenly feel left out and invisible.
I know this too well. I’ve been invisible my whole life! I sought the validation of my parents all my childhood. I wanted them to feel proud of me. I want them to see me as I am. I sought validation from teachers, to show them I was a good student who behaved in class and took all the notes. I sought validation from my extended family so that they could see how much I love and care for my husband. Sometimes I still seek validation from the people I look up to, so they can see I am an action taker.
On all of these occasions, I was wounded. My heart was wounded. I spent my whole life trying to prove myself to others that I am worthy and that I am enough. I tried my whole life to be SEEN for who I am- who I truly am. I tried my whole life to be HEARD because my words were always twisted and misinterpreted. I spent my whole life trying to be loved.
I learnt the hard way that not many care! People who love you will accept you for who you are! They won’t ask you to prove anything, they won’t ask you to be someone you are not. They will sense when you are feeling under the weather. They will give you validation without you seeking it.
Not everyone will love you. Not everyone will understand you. Not everyone will want to get to know you. And that’s OK.
If you need to seek validation, seek it from those who love you in your worst. Seek it from those who don’t ask for anything in return. Seek it from those who are not interested in what it’s outside of you and what they can gain from you, from those who care for what’s inside of you, your worth.
Validation is a bloodsucker- only seek it from those that are willing to die for you!
Love and light,