Being grateful in adversity
It's no secret 2020 was meant to be a promising new year and beginning of a new decade, and it ended up being a year of change- and disappointment to many.
Personally, I feel I was in this cocoon. Living a life too consumed by the stressful day to day routine, living to the expectations of others, trying to be everything to everyone, and trying to be loved and approved of.
My mental health suffered, I kept comparing myself to others and living in a hamster wheel to keep up with everyone and everything around me.
At that point, I had done immense mindset work for the last couple of years, as well as reconnecting to my spirituality after my beloved granddad passed away ( 2 years on New Year's Eve). However, I was still wearing a mask in front of other people and not being completely authentic as I feared rejection. When the World was forced to stop, I was able to go inwards. I took time out to zone in. I needed to do that- both my body and soul were screaming for that. It was a long process that took me months.
Lots of Journaling, meditation, and shadow work was needed. Being "selfish" and being alone in this process of discovery of my true inner being and healing, took a toll on some relationships with friends and family members. At some point, I felt guilty for not being there for others when they were going through their battles, but I needed to go through my own battles to be able to move on and become a better version of myself.
Then, the transformation started. Just like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, I also transformed from this boring, sad soul into a positive one. My energetic vibration rose- with that new opportunities, doors and soul minded people were presented to me. New doors opened up for me and for my career and I enter every single one of them with an open mind and heart.
My word for 2020 was worthy. When I came up with this word I pretty much chose it to prove to others my worth as I never felt appreciated.I was so wrong for doing that.
So, for 2021 I choose the word Growth. As this year I went through so much inner work needed to plant the seeds of possibility, I want the next year to be the one I see the fruits of all the hard work I went through- both personal and professional. I am willing to be patient because I know now that everything happens in Divine timing.
So, this is my reflection on the last year. I could have done a list of all my achievements (yes, I had so many) and a list of everything that went wrong or was painful, but I wanted to leave 2020 with gratitude.
And I am so grateful I was gifted the time to heal and grow. I am so grateful for my close ones, especially my husband and children, for being my most supportive anchors and allowing me the space to transform.
As the door for 2021 opened, I went in with a grateful heart, open mind, and nurtured spirit.